When building my blog, I questioned many times whether I should talk about the postnatal depression and birth trauma that I experienced, here lies, I feel, the problem of why people don’t talk about it.
Many feel that they cannot, that it is a failure on their part or that they are not good enough. By not talking about it, it causes it to become a taboo and then the cycle continues.
It is estimated that 58%, this translates to roughly 35,000 of new mothers a year with postnatal depression do not seek medical help. This has been due to either not understanding the condition or fearing the consequences of reporting the problem (source: Action for Children & 4Children). This is an alarming high number, and it should not be the case that new mums are frightened to seek support. It is reported that 1 in 3 mothers fear that social workers will take their child away (source: Daily Mail).
Parents are under a ridiculous amount of pressure, The Independent reported that the role of a mother is equivalent to doing 2.5 full time jobs, you can see the original article here. No wonder mothers are tired. Villages are not existing as what they once were, neighbours cannot be called on as once they would have. Families move away from their hometown, leaving grandparents several miles away.
Many new mothers haven’t heard of postnatal depression, let alone what the symptoms of it are. In a survey conducted by 4Children, they spoke to 2,318 mothers; in this study 29% didn’t realise that they were experiencing postnatal depression until later and 12% were lacking sufficient information to know what to do.
So, what is postnatal depression?
It can appear in different forms, it may be mild or severe and not everyone will have all the symptoms, it varies from individual to individual. Symptoms include (source: NHS):
- A persistent feeling of sadness and low mood
- Loss of interest in the world around you and no longer enjoying things that used to give you pleasure
- Lack of energy and feeling tired all the time
- Trouble sleeping at night and feeling sleepy during the day
- Feeling that you are unable to look after your baby
- Problems concentrating and making decisions
- Loss of appetite or an increased appetite (comfort eating)
- Feeling agitated, irritable, or very apathetic (you “can’t be bothered”)
- Feelings of guilt, hopelessness, and self-blame
- Difficulty bonding with your baby with a feeling of indifference and no sense of enjoyment in their company
- Frightening thoughts – for example, about hurting your baby; these can be scary, but they are very rarely acted upon
- Thinking about suicide and self-harm
It is also important to recognise the difference between baby blues and postnatal depression. The baby blues can affect up to 80% of women after they give birth (source: NCT). The baby blues can consist of feeling (source: NCT):
- Emotional, irrational, or overwhelmed
- Tearful (without knowing why)
- Irritable and moody
- Down or anxious
Typically, the baby blues are mild and last for 10-14 days. It can be upsetting having these symptoms but it will pass. Baby blues is commonly caused by hormones, with a sudden drop in the hormone oestrogen and chemical levels after giving birth.
Postnatal depression symptoms can affect your day-to-day life and your relationships with your baby, your family, and friends.
If you think you may be depressed, talk to your GP or health visitor as soon as possible so you can access the support that you need. Do not struggle on alone and hope the problem will go away. It can continue for months or years if left untreated.
It's important to note that fathers and partners can also become depressed after the birth if a baby. You should seek help if this is affecting you.
Having talked about postnatal depression, what is birth trauma?
This is an abbreviated phrase for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after having given birth. In birth trauma there is four main symptoms (source: Birth Trauma Association):
- Re-experiencing the traumatic event through flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive memories. These make you feel distressed and panicked.
- Avoiding anything that reminds you of the trauma. This can mean refusing to walk past the hospital where you gave birth or avoiding meeting other women with new babies.
- Feeling hypervigilant; this means that you are constantly alert, irritable, and jumpy. You worry that something terrible is going to happen to your baby.
- Feeling low and unhappy. You may feel guilty and blame yourself for your traumatic birth. You may have difficulty remembering parts of your birth experience.
Not everyone who has had a traumatic experience necessarily suffers from PTSD, but many do. It is not a sign of weakness. Brain scans show a difference between the brains of people with PTSD and those without. It simply cannot be fixed by ‘snapping out of it’ or ‘being positive’.
If I said to you that postnatal depression affected 10-15 woman in every 100 (source: Royal College of Psychiatrists), would you be surprised? How about birth trauma, where it affects approx. 30,000 women a year (source: Birth Trauma Association). According to the BBC, millions of mothers each year are suffering in silence. Why is this the case? Why is there a stigma or a taboo around these conditions? Why aren’t mothers getting the support that they need?
Ever been asked ‘how are you?’ or ‘how are you within yourself?’ and responded with ‘fine’ or ‘ok’? Have you ever answered the question truly and accurately? What if we began to answer these questions with how we are genuinely feeling? Would mental health look different? Would the support that we received be different? Or would people feel more connected?
From my own personal experiences with postnatal depression and birth trauma, this has led me to wanting to support and help others and is also why I want to specialise in these areas.
These are conditions that are close to my heart, as I suffered with severe postnatal depression and birth trauma, with adjustment anxiety added to boot. I remember feeling nothing, no love, only emptiness. The brain is incredibly good at protecting itself from trauma by changing, manipulating, or completely blocking events from its memory. Recollection of specific times may not be the same, aspects hazy or blocked out completely to preserve and protect. This process is called dissociation or detachment from reality. By having a birth debrief, this can help to gain prospective on what happened during this time and give closure to what may have been a difficult experience. (Source: medical journal).
Here is my personal experience of postnatal depression and birth trauma. Get comfy and grab a drink.
For me, it stemmed from the birth of my first child in 2014. Nothing went quite to plan, and I wasn’t prepared for that.
In fact, nothing about the pregnancy was enjoyable, and there could have been an element of antenatal depression but knowing that the pregnancy wasn’t forever and I would have a baby to hold at the end of it, kept me going through the difficult pregnancy days.
As a first-time mum, you may not be fully prepared for what labour is like, what truly happens and that it may not necessarily go to plan. The vision of having a water birth in the low risk ward was what I wanted to have, in reality it couldn’t have been further apart. However, this isn’t a birth story, yes, the birth did result in birth trauma or PTSD. It is important to remember, for every difficult birth story there are many positive stories that aren’t sung loud enough. Not every birth is going to be a difficult experience.
I thought I would feel better, more like myself, after I had given birth. At least that was what I was told in relation to the crippling morning sickness, I longed to be able to eat properly. In relation to feeling myself, this didn’t happen for quite some while. After giving birth, I wasn’t entirely sure what I should be feeling, I remember feeling drunk, which is apparently quite common.
The enormity of thinking ‘what do I do now?’ was quite overwhelming and I would imagine quite familiar with a lot of new parents. The daunting feeling of learning to care for a newborn, whilst recovering myself and finding a new normal as a family of three.
The weeks flew by processing and coming to terms with my labour and adapting to a new life with a newborn was a blur. The days rolled into one, some days it was a struggle to leave the house. There was crying from us both, but I was reassured from those around me, including health care professionals, that it was ‘only’ the baby blues and would subside and that it wasn’t postnatal depression.
The weeks turned into months and I still didn’t feel quite ‘right’ but as I was told that it wasn’t postnatal depression, I put it to the back of my mind and carried on as what I thought was normal; going to baby groups, seeing people and everything else in-between. When out, no one would have known any different, putting a brave face on, masking it up and not expressing truly what I was feeling. In truth I felt lost, lonely, and not myself, from having a difficult pregnancy, I struggled with how my body looked afterwards.
Six months after giving birth, I wasn’t feeling any better and truthfully the postnatal depression had snowballed into a monster. I reached out to my doctor’s surgery, thankfully the doctor that I spoke to was familiar with my pregnancy, having been the one that I saw throughout. It was a conversation that I had on the phone, one which I don’t think I will easily forget. Remembering where I was, what I was doing and the emotion that I was feeling.
Having had the conversation over the phone and a doctor that I was familiar with and also familiar with the history made it easier to be honest in what was happening, how I was feeling and how it was affecting me.
This was the turning point in confirming what I had thought. It was partly a relief and partly a burden, knowing that now I had to overcome this.
I was given a prescription to help with the chemical imbalance and to be able to begin to feel some sort of normal again, I was also referred to steps2wellbeing, an NHS service offering a variety of different treatments. I attended a group doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) course, which ran over 7 weeks covering a different area each week for self-management. We worked in pairs and on our own covering different topics, with experienced staff on hand to help work through what was going on in our lives. Initially it was quite daunting attending, the uncertainty and not knowing what to expect was difficult, after a while it turned into a nice breathing space.
I could count on one hand who knew about my postnatal depression and birth trauma, this number also included health care professionals, and this is still true today. Why? There is this element of fear that by admitting to these conditions that you are unstable, not coping, not ‘enjoying’ motherhood, when it is none of these things. It has no reflection on the person, how they are as a parent or coping. There is a quote ‘just because I carry my load well, doesn’t mean it is not heavy’ (source; unknown) and this is more prevalent in mental health, where it cannot be physically be seen and can be hidden from others, although extremely exhausting and draining. No one would have been any the wiser.
On my darkest days, I remember wanting to keep walking, in any direction and not look back. I never did, but the thought was there when I left the house on my own.
Personally, I feel that postnatal depression robbed me of bonding with my baby during those early weeks and months. It’s heartbreaking to feel that you haven’t got a bond or attachment with your baby and it can be all consuming.
It took a long time to feel strong enough to not need to take medication, that I would be alright without it. Postnatal depression can be a dark, lonely, and isolating place, shrouded with feelings of resentment, shame, and blame. This should not be the case; metal health continues to not be openly discussed as it should be.
Coming out the other side, it’s shown me how strong I can be and am. Digging deep when it really mattered, going through postnatal depression sure wasn’t pretty and it was a hard process to get through to the other side. It is important to remember that it isn’t forever, and you will come out the other side again and perhaps with a newfound respect of what you are capable of.
From my experience of postnatal depression I began volunteering with APNI, helping others who are going through postnatal depression. Providing support through email, an empathetic ear can make a huge difference. As well as APNI, there are also other organisations such as PANDAS who can provide support. It is also important to seek professional support from your GP or health visitor.
It is important to seek the support, expertise, and guidance from professionals. Postnatal depression can be crippling and can last longer if it is left untreated, there are many sources of support, information and treatment out there but an initial step is needed to be taken to access this level of support. It is crucial to know, that whatever you or a loved one is going through, that they are not on their own. Reach out to friends and family, show that you care through the smaller acts of kindness from sitting with them, making them a meal, holding the baby, whatever it is that they need in that moment, it is all hugely appreciated. They may wish to sit in silence but it is a comfort knowing that someone is there and if you are going through or suspect that you may have postnatal depression, don’t do it alone, reach out to friends and family or if you can’t, contact one of the support lines who you can speak to and offer guidance. Postnatal depression will not be there forever, it is important to remember that. Take one day at a time or if that feels too daunting, break the day down into smaller chunks. I have every faith that you will get through this. Above anything else it is not your fault; you did not do anything wrong and there isn’t anything that you should have done differently. Sometimes it cannot be prevented, it is an illness. Be easy on yourself.
NCT: https://www.nct.org.uk/life-parent/how-you-might-be-feeling/postnatal-depression-baby-blues-and-emotions-after-giving-birth
PANDAS: You can phone, email or use their Facebook support groups. 0808 1961 776, info@pandasfoundation.org.uk
APNI: You can phone (Monday to Friday, 10am – 2pm) or email on info@apni.org
The Birth Trauma Association: You can access the BTA Facebook support group as well as lots of resources on their website.
NHS - you can use this tool to check your symptoms
Samaritans: 116 123
Mind: You can phone (Monday to Friday (except for bank holidays) 9am – 6pm) 0300 123 3393 or text 86463 or email info@mind.org.uk
PNI - A site founded by women who have suffered or are suffering Post Natal Illness.
Calm (aimed at men): 0800 58 58 58 (5pm – Midnight, 365 days a year)
SANE: You can phone 07984 967 708 and leave a name and number or email support@sane.org.uk
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